After 7 years of Mar
After 7 years of Marriage, Raquel reveals her first Secrets!
We had just moved from Lubbock, TX to Dayton, OH and rented a 2-story brick home in Huber Heights. I guess Raquel was feeling her nesting instincts again, and she started pushing for having another baby. We moved there in early January, and into the house in late January, and just before my mother’s unexpected California death in February, Raquel pushed again. I honestly told her although the time had not been right before, I now felt like she was holding back something big from me, information-wise.
Buddy, that suddenly opened a flood-gate, spilling torrents of new information about her premarital sexual past! She had obviously sensed I would have had NOTHING more to do with her if she had revealed just how MUCH of a virgin she was not! She was correct -- If I had known how much promiscuity and sex she had willingly participated in before me, I would NEVER have married her -- pregnant or not! She had pretended to have been a near-virgin with only one sex partner (I mentioned Alexander before) -- not so! She substantiated an old stereotype of Mexicans with her own behavior and sexual history. Friendly but lying manipulators. LBFM's -- "Little, Brown, Fucking-Machines" as one Special Forces SFC with Honduras & Guatemala experience was to tell me, later.
Yes, I guess so. But, I was shocked by this "news!" More so because I had believed all the untruth that Raquel used to take advantage of my innocence and love. [Of course, Raquel's mental denial was operating fully -- she claimed this was not news since it had happened so long ago and I shouldn't have been upset any longer! Duuh! That was exactly how her mother (Margo) used to hide new clothes in the closet in plain sight but not wear them until they were 6 months old -- she could tell her husband that they were clothes she'd had a long time. Like mother, like daughter! I hate to even mention that my same "sixth sense" detected her mother's ongoing extramarital affair that Raquel later had confirmed with her mother. Probably, "Mum's" discovery of my knowledge about her infidelity played a role in her daughter's late engineering of a surreptitious and highly destructive divorce.]
Raquel rattled off the names of five different lovers she had been fucking long before she met me when she was age 19. And this was back in the mid-60's when most Catholic-high-school girls, like her, really were expected to be virgins! In fact, one of these lovers WAS Alexander whom she had succeeding in getting me to believe was her only lover before me! I understand now why the only Catholic doctrine I detected where she disagreed with the Church's position was that about the virginity of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Of course, Catholic (& most other Christian churches) believe that Mary was (is) a perpetual virgin and that Jesus was the result of a virgin birth. [There IS actually virgin birth which modern scientists have discovered in nature, & call "parthenogenesis."]
This clearly-heretical view of Raquel's is something I wish I had investigated more -- but I wanted to build our relationship closer and so didn't follow my curiosity for sake of not insulting or arguing with her. More than that, I was thrown off asking questions on this because it came up as I was about to leave after one of those late-night philosophical discussions that college-age people occasionally have. AND because I had seen and heard Raquel attending weekly church services and pray the weekly Creed which affirms one's belief in Jesus' Virgin Birth. The way I was taught about being a grown-up, mature, responsible human being was not to do one thing and believe/say another. (I later learned most people show such inconsistencies without even being aware of them.)
The Bible quotes Jesus, "The Truth shall make you free" -- if I had known the truth in time, it would have freed me of Raquel's manipulative entrapment of me into what turned into a miserable marriage and remainder to the rest of my adult lifetime. (There is good reason for Pope John Paul II to have said that a Christian life is one of bearing suffering.) I submit the proof that Raquel's initial manipulation was intentional by the very fact of her withholding the info for 7 years of marriage. And THEN revealing it only to get her way again when divorce for her Catholic husband in a Catholic marriage seemed virtually impossible. This is a view of marriage common to all Christians, not just Catholic-Christians: Jesus proclaimed the indissolubility of marriage! Because of our piety and sincerity and belief, we miss the "out" or "loophole" in that same proclamation, though. I wish I had read the actual Bible verse more carefully because Christ gave the exception to indissolubility in cases with fornication or lewd & indecent conduct!
I can now tell the mother of one of my former Scouts, Sven Kristofferson, why the Catholic Church CAN legitimately offer "annulment" as an option. It is NOT an inconsistency (although it was pitifully kept an option whose secrecy has lost many good Catholics as a result.) The reason, dear Anglican lady, is the same reason that Henry VIII tried to use when HE was still a Catholic -- there are some reasons for which annulment IS justifiable in a religious context! Of course, at the time Sven's mom brought up the topic, I could not tell her any details of Raquel's lies and lewdness to explain the divorce that EX- eventually sought, not I! I had been trapped into more suffering by keeping her destructive secrets! There are many reasons a good husband should not assassinate the character of his wife; but, now, she is not my wife anymore. In a very real sense, she never WAS!
We had just moved from Lubbock, TX to Dayton, OH and rented a 2-story brick home in Huber Heights. I guess Raquel was feeling her nesting instincts again, and she started pushing for having another baby. We moved there in early January, and into the house in late January, and just before my mother’s unexpected California death in February, Raquel pushed again. I honestly told her although the time had not been right before, I now felt like she was holding back something big from me, information-wise.
Buddy, that suddenly opened a flood-gate, spilling torrents of new information about her premarital sexual past! She had obviously sensed I would have had NOTHING more to do with her if she had revealed just how MUCH of a virgin she was not! She was correct -- If I had known how much promiscuity and sex she had willingly participated in before me, I would NEVER have married her -- pregnant or not! She had pretended to have been a near-virgin with only one sex partner (I mentioned Alexander before) -- not so! She substantiated an old stereotype of Mexicans with her own behavior and sexual history. Friendly but lying manipulators. LBFM's -- "Little, Brown, Fucking-Machines" as one Special Forces SFC with Honduras & Guatemala experience was to tell me, later.
Yes, I guess so. But, I was shocked by this "news!" More so because I had believed all the untruth that Raquel used to take advantage of my innocence and love. [Of course, Raquel's mental denial was operating fully -- she claimed this was not news since it had happened so long ago and I shouldn't have been upset any longer! Duuh! That was exactly how her mother (Margo) used to hide new clothes in the closet in plain sight but not wear them until they were 6 months old -- she could tell her husband that they were clothes she'd had a long time. Like mother, like daughter! I hate to even mention that my same "sixth sense" detected her mother's ongoing extramarital affair that Raquel later had confirmed with her mother. Probably, "Mum's" discovery of my knowledge about her infidelity played a role in her daughter's late engineering of a surreptitious and highly destructive divorce.]
Raquel rattled off the names of five different lovers she had been fucking long before she met me when she was age 19. And this was back in the mid-60's when most Catholic-high-school girls, like her, really were expected to be virgins! In fact, one of these lovers WAS Alexander whom she had succeeding in getting me to believe was her only lover before me! I understand now why the only Catholic doctrine I detected where she disagreed with the Church's position was that about the virginity of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Of course, Catholic (& most other Christian churches) believe that Mary was (is) a perpetual virgin and that Jesus was the result of a virgin birth. [There IS actually virgin birth which modern scientists have discovered in nature, & call "parthenogenesis."]
This clearly-heretical view of Raquel's is something I wish I had investigated more -- but I wanted to build our relationship closer and so didn't follow my curiosity for sake of not insulting or arguing with her. More than that, I was thrown off asking questions on this because it came up as I was about to leave after one of those late-night philosophical discussions that college-age people occasionally have. AND because I had seen and heard Raquel attending weekly church services and pray the weekly Creed which affirms one's belief in Jesus' Virgin Birth. The way I was taught about being a grown-up, mature, responsible human being was not to do one thing and believe/say another. (I later learned most people show such inconsistencies without even being aware of them.)
The Bible quotes Jesus, "The Truth shall make you free" -- if I had known the truth in time, it would have freed me of Raquel's manipulative entrapment of me into what turned into a miserable marriage and remainder to the rest of my adult lifetime. (There is good reason for Pope John Paul II to have said that a Christian life is one of bearing suffering.) I submit the proof that Raquel's initial manipulation was intentional by the very fact of her withholding the info for 7 years of marriage. And THEN revealing it only to get her way again when divorce for her Catholic husband in a Catholic marriage seemed virtually impossible. This is a view of marriage common to all Christians, not just Catholic-Christians: Jesus proclaimed the indissolubility of marriage! Because of our piety and sincerity and belief, we miss the "out" or "loophole" in that same proclamation, though. I wish I had read the actual Bible verse more carefully because Christ gave the exception to indissolubility in cases with fornication or lewd & indecent conduct!
I can now tell the mother of one of my former Scouts, Sven Kristofferson, why the Catholic Church CAN legitimately offer "annulment" as an option. It is NOT an inconsistency (although it was pitifully kept an option whose secrecy has lost many good Catholics as a result.) The reason, dear Anglican lady, is the same reason that Henry VIII tried to use when HE was still a Catholic -- there are some reasons for which annulment IS justifiable in a religious context! Of course, at the time Sven's mom brought up the topic, I could not tell her any details of Raquel's lies and lewdness to explain the divorce that EX- eventually sought, not I! I had been trapped into more suffering by keeping her destructive secrets! There are many reasons a good husband should not assassinate the character of his wife; but, now, she is not my wife anymore. In a very real sense, she never WAS!
posted by Richard A at 11:27 AM
1 Comments:
Carl,
Thanks for your compliments! The names here have been changed to protect the innocent (mostly me and my sons) -- I think I said that in the first post. Someday, I will probably integrate this blog with another less shocking one to tell a more complete story. When I get a moment to read, I'm sure I'll enjoy your blog!
Take care, my friend -- I was your age when this stuff started happening with me! I hope I can give a "Heads Up" to others who need it like I did, but didn't get. And thanks a lot for posting -- I wondered if anyone was reading here! I imagine some folks would like to give me negative comments & feedback -- it comes with the territory & all feedback is valuable. I don't have to accept any of it after I consider ALL of it! That's the deal with feedback! Cheers!
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