Her incestuous Mexican family (oh, let's just keep it secret like so many Mexican families.)
When Raquel's MMPI profile showed a 4-5-6 "Scarlett O'Hara" V, a very revealing epiphany was given by my major professor who taught the MMPI course. He didn't mention her or me by name, but he made sure to cover this classic match between an hypersexual childhood-abused woman and a man whose MMPI matched a typically "stalwart" male used to taking things in stride. Empirical data shows a direct relationship between childhood molestation of a woman and her developing a passive-aggressive personality disorder and hypersexual behavior of her own. One of my classmates dropped his longtime girlfriend after he saw this description in class which also matched HER MMPI profile! Of course, it was easy for him to do -- they were not married and had no kids.
Once I debriefed Raquel as I had promised (about BOTH of our MMPI profiles), she started to do puzzling things which took me a long time to understand. I became frustrated and angry over how many times she would "forget " to do things I recall she agreed to do while I was off at Florida State University taking classes for my PhD in counseling psychology. I never missed a class and drove the 150 miles home every other weekend to touch base and keep my family together! I maintained two households then as I rented an apartment in FSU Alumni Village while taking fulltime studies! Raquel had agreed (promised) to prepare the Ft Walton Beach house for sale so my family could come join me in Tallahassee as I finished my degree, a lifelong dream! It took me 18 months to become so frustrated with what she developed as an oppositional defiant disorder, that I finally realized what she was doing! She was trying to get ME to file for divorce! (Turns out, I SHOULD have! She had turned into a catastrophizing, compulsive liar who told others lies which defamed me but told me different lies to cover her own defamatory tracks!)
Her most obvious lie was in her promise to prepare the house we bought together for sale while I was in Tallahassee working on my newly-accepted PhD program. The house never got ready to sell, and her one-sided cop-out was to change her commitment a year later to saying she wanted to RENT it out instead of sell it! Like a committed, loving husband, I foolishly tried to reason with her and to make her KEEP her promise to sell the house -- she was in complete denial of anything that she wanted to see differently or cover up for her bad actions! Because I only saw & interacted with her 2 days out of every 14 that I was in the PhD program, she was able to limit my knowledge of what was going on by just not openly discussing anythng she didn't want to. She still had my trust, then -- I had no clue about the level and extent that her treachery had already reached!
The MMPI test strongly suggested Raquel had been the subject of childhood abuse. I never saw any SORT of physical abuse evident in her family of origin. In fact, her Mexican family NEVER struck or spanked their kids for any misbehavior -- they "just talked" with them to stop (hide?) the behavior. I really never saw any emotional abuse in her family of origin, either. There was no browbeating or emotional blackmail that I ever detected; they actually were NOT communicative ENOUGH & followed the old dictum, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" They said very little of any substance or revelation.
Well, the only MMPI option left to explain her 4-5-6 profile is childhood SEXUAL abuse! My radar had picked up "beeps" when I was initially dating her in Laredo, but she denied any detections as just artifacts of my overly psychologized sensitivity. I had only my psychology-major Bachelor's Degree back then and was easily dissuaded from the sensitivities of my personality which are every bit as important as my book-learning! But, from the earliest time we were dating, I had noticed a certain physical "shudder" Raquel seemed to display in her colder reaction to a non-blood "tio" named Jesus. Every time Jesus would try to give her a Mexican "abrazo" (embrace) when coming to visit Raquel's parents. I noticed that Jesus would always try to draw Raquel closer to him in the Mexican abrazo he would greet her with (whether his wife was with him or not.) Raquel would always stiffen up and draw away or avoid his abrazo.
I noticed that Raquel's younger sister, Joyce (still a preteen of about 8 or 10), seemed to spend a lot of time looking after her father and doing whatever he wanted her to do. It was interesting that the youngest child, blonde brother "Guerito," did not even live in Laredo with the rest of his family. He was in Zapata, TX living with his aunt and uncle full-time, and seldom with the rest of the family in Laredo. He had been turned back into a country boy helping his uncle manage cattle on the family's ranch on the banks of Lake Falcon forming the Mexican-American border between Zapata and Guerrero, Mexico. Guerito was a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, innocent country boy -- but why was he raised so physically removed from the rest of Raquel's tight-knit family? There was a family resemblance between him and his older brother, Rogelio, so the blood/DNA seemed closer than his physical separation warranted. Rogelio was off in the AF, then, so all of this has never "added up" for me.
Raquel told me about receiving a phone call once when she was in high school from a boy "al otro lado" (on the other side of the river). He demanded to speak to his father who Raquel was chagrined to discover was HER father, and that her father had a whole other family "al otro lado del Rio!" This was a source of great disappointment and disillusionment for Raquel! I don't remember when she revealed this other family existence to me, but it struck me that she probably started acting out sexually in reaction to her father's sexual "acting-out." Later, I admitted to myself what I really feared: That Raquel likely acted out not in sympathy with her mother's being betrayed by the father, but because of her OWN being betrayed by him. It strikes me she felt a betrayal of some sort of sexual relationship he had curried with a younger Raquel (maybe replacing her mother in all ways when mother Marg had to be at work all afternoon/evening and eldest daughter Raquel was left to take care of household duties and cooking.) That left much unsupervised time for father and daughter home alone.
When Raquel's MMPI profile showed a 4-5-6 "Scarlett O'Hara" V, a very revealing epiphany was given by my major professor who taught the MMPI course. He didn't mention her or me by name, but he made sure to cover this classic match between an hypersexual childhood-abused woman and a man whose MMPI matched a typically "stalwart" male used to taking things in stride. Empirical data shows a direct relationship between childhood molestation of a woman and her developing a passive-aggressive personality disorder and hypersexual behavior of her own. One of my classmates dropped his longtime girlfriend after he saw this description in class which also matched HER MMPI profile! Of course, it was easy for him to do -- they were not married and had no kids.
Once I debriefed Raquel as I had promised (about BOTH of our MMPI profiles), she started to do puzzling things which took me a long time to understand. I became frustrated and angry over how many times she would "forget " to do things I recall she agreed to do while I was off at Florida State University taking classes for my PhD in counseling psychology. I never missed a class and drove the 150 miles home every other weekend to touch base and keep my family together! I maintained two households then as I rented an apartment in FSU Alumni Village while taking fulltime studies! Raquel had agreed (promised) to prepare the Ft Walton Beach house for sale so my family could come join me in Tallahassee as I finished my degree, a lifelong dream! It took me 18 months to become so frustrated with what she developed as an oppositional defiant disorder, that I finally realized what she was doing! She was trying to get ME to file for divorce! (Turns out, I SHOULD have! She had turned into a catastrophizing, compulsive liar who told others lies which defamed me but told me different lies to cover her own defamatory tracks!)
Her most obvious lie was in her promise to prepare the house we bought together for sale while I was in Tallahassee working on my newly-accepted PhD program. The house never got ready to sell, and her one-sided cop-out was to change her commitment a year later to saying she wanted to RENT it out instead of sell it! Like a committed, loving husband, I foolishly tried to reason with her and to make her KEEP her promise to sell the house -- she was in complete denial of anything that she wanted to see differently or cover up for her bad actions! Because I only saw & interacted with her 2 days out of every 14 that I was in the PhD program, she was able to limit my knowledge of what was going on by just not openly discussing anythng she didn't want to. She still had my trust, then -- I had no clue about the level and extent that her treachery had already reached!
The MMPI test strongly suggested Raquel had been the subject of childhood abuse. I never saw any SORT of physical abuse evident in her family of origin. In fact, her Mexican family NEVER struck or spanked their kids for any misbehavior -- they "just talked" with them to stop (hide?) the behavior. I really never saw any emotional abuse in her family of origin, either. There was no browbeating or emotional blackmail that I ever detected; they actually were NOT communicative ENOUGH & followed the old dictum, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" They said very little of any substance or revelation.
Well, the only MMPI option left to explain her 4-5-6 profile is childhood SEXUAL abuse! My radar had picked up "beeps" when I was initially dating her in Laredo, but she denied any detections as just artifacts of my overly psychologized sensitivity. I had only my psychology-major Bachelor's Degree back then and was easily dissuaded from the sensitivities of my personality which are every bit as important as my book-learning! But, from the earliest time we were dating, I had noticed a certain physical "shudder" Raquel seemed to display in her colder reaction to a non-blood "tio" named Jesus. Every time Jesus would try to give her a Mexican "abrazo" (embrace) when coming to visit Raquel's parents. I noticed that Jesus would always try to draw Raquel closer to him in the Mexican abrazo he would greet her with (whether his wife was with him or not.) Raquel would always stiffen up and draw away or avoid his abrazo.
I noticed that Raquel's younger sister, Joyce (still a preteen of about 8 or 10), seemed to spend a lot of time looking after her father and doing whatever he wanted her to do. It was interesting that the youngest child, blonde brother "Guerito," did not even live in Laredo with the rest of his family. He was in Zapata, TX living with his aunt and uncle full-time, and seldom with the rest of the family in Laredo. He had been turned back into a country boy helping his uncle manage cattle on the family's ranch on the banks of Lake Falcon forming the Mexican-American border between Zapata and Guerrero, Mexico. Guerito was a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, innocent country boy -- but why was he raised so physically removed from the rest of Raquel's tight-knit family? There was a family resemblance between him and his older brother, Rogelio, so the blood/DNA seemed closer than his physical separation warranted. Rogelio was off in the AF, then, so all of this has never "added up" for me.
Raquel told me about receiving a phone call once when she was in high school from a boy "al otro lado" (on the other side of the river). He demanded to speak to his father who Raquel was chagrined to discover was HER father, and that her father had a whole other family "al otro lado del Rio!" This was a source of great disappointment and disillusionment for Raquel! I don't remember when she revealed this other family existence to me, but it struck me that she probably started acting out sexually in reaction to her father's sexual "acting-out." Later, I admitted to myself what I really feared: That Raquel likely acted out not in sympathy with her mother's being betrayed by the father, but because of her OWN being betrayed by him. It strikes me she felt a betrayal of some sort of sexual relationship he had curried with a younger Raquel (maybe replacing her mother in all ways when mother Marg had to be at work all afternoon/evening and eldest daughter Raquel was left to take care of household duties and cooking.) That left much unsupervised time for father and daughter home alone.
posted by Richard A at 8:34 PM
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