The REAL Reason I Married Raquel!

Having thought about it for many years, I finally recognized the most basic underlying reason I decided to marry Raquel was much purer than I had thought with all the OTHER reasons which truly WERE also contributing factors and additional reasons.

It was NOT primarily because she was pregnant. The news of her pregnancy was a great disappointment because she had promised me, on the spot, that she was using effective birth control -- she would make doubly sure to use the follow-up birth control in time if only I would NOT STOP OR WITHDRAW while we were both coming to orgasm. I asked what had happened to the contraceptive foam I had bought the preceding week -- she said it was in her mother's room where her parents were sleeping and she would go get it immediately after I left their house. This was one of the few times she ever talked during sex -- and it was to become a damned lie!

Just one in a lifelong string of lies -- but what did I know? I was a lifelong Boy Scout and concepts of honor and honesty were extremely important to ME! Those concepts were important to our common religion, too -- lying is clearly defined as evil & contrary to the 10 Commandments and treated as a serious sin which would keep a person from taking legitimate Communion and from going to Heaven! But not all Girl Scouts think about those values and not all Catholics do either -- those who DO are disadvantaged when among those who just "play the game" (to get their own way)!

Marrying Raquel was not just to keep my son from being abandoned, or feeling like an unwanted/alienated, illegitimate child. That WAS an important consideration as I had waited so long to have a child whom I could raise & treat as a better father than MY father had been. I have let this be known previously as the primary reason because it WAS so important! But I realize, now, it was not the MOST important reason.

It was also not primarily because we were in a big hurry and that she had promised me she would not be doing this to "trap" me into marriage. Although, that promise IS strangely suspect since she knew we were only going to have the month of December together before I would go off to Vietnam for a year of combat flying there. Before I rant here, let me just remind you that Raquel's sociopathic form of sickness has an overreliance on denial & projection as mentioned earlier. I HAVE noticed that she is even able to direct her denial into subject matter about which she has specific premeditations & goals.

I married Raquel because of a lie or a set of lies she led me to believe. She played an old, old game and pretended to be a "near-virgin!" She pretended she had only had sex with one person before me -- Alexander Samuels! I found out long after we were married that she had also had sex with him the night of her sister/cousin's (Alicia) wedding after Raquel had been "pinned" to me for about 8 months. She knew I knew she wasn't a virgin since she had been ready to have sex with me and did after we had been dating on weekends for only a month. But she made it out to be that she had had intercourse only with Alex (completely omitting any reference or mention of anyone else.) I knew she was a regular churchgoer since we had been going to weekly Catholic Mass together most of the time we were dating. Taking me to her friends' Catholic weddings and discussing Catholic doctrine as if she really believed, I had reason to believe she was "a good Catholic" like she pretended to be. After all, she took Communion every Sunday & that signified she had previously confessed all her sins before she could be allowed to take Communion.

Based on her "only one prior lover," I figured she was going to be the closest thing to a virgin that I was ever going to be able to find at my age of almost 23 when we started dating. I could not imagine many girls at 19-20 (Raquel's age) were still virgins -- especially anyone who graduated from high school after 1965 when drugs like LSD started to be used and marijuana, 'shrooms, & peyote were relatively common, even among high school students who were dating college students using them. So I "settled" for a girl with a pretty face but no curves in her figure because I had been sold a false "bill of goods" that she was still relatively "pure." I figured that, in the long run, the inner beauty and loyalty of a relatively pure and honest, soulful, sociable person would compensate for a very small bustline, flat butt, and skinny legs. She proved to have been much more sociable than soulful!

Oh, lest you think I am being hypocritical about this, let me share something you have probably midjudged with me, a college graduate and former G.I. at the time I met Raquel. Yes, in fact, I WAS a virgin at that time! Raquel was "my first" & almost "my only." This is to warn sweethearts to start talking honestly & completely with each other as soon as possible! You don't have to say or admit anything you think you don't want to, or give any details at all! But you DO owe it to the other person you purport to love and respect to say, at least, that there IS an area or two you really do not ever want to discuss or have brought up in conversation. You MUST name the area, though (e.g., "Any premarital sexual behavior before the time I met you," or ") so the potential spouse actually can receive & decide if they are willing to give true, "informed consent" which is needed for a valid marriage. If you don't have THAT. as a minimum, the marriage is a manipulative sham, invalid, and subject to annulment by even the Roman Catholic Church! Too bad the Church never used to breathe a word to MY generation about the "annulment option" -- we never heard ANYthing about that in "the good old days!" Apparently, it has been Catholic Church Canon-Law since before Henry VIII started the Church of England over HIS Catholic annulment issue.

Denial and Projection -- Preferred by some, but destructive coping mechanisms!

When one takes a doctoral course about the MMPI, the text and classroom discussion often examines characteristics of people with a typical profile graphed from scores on the personality inventory. One profile is termed "the 4-5-6 V" or "the Scarlett O'Hara V." Scales 4-5-6, when plotted on the profile sheet, form a large V with plots on or very near the extremes of the range of normality. Scales 4 & 6 plot very high and Scale 5 plots very low; this indicates very high control needs/wants, very high suspiciousness, and (in women) a very definite, traditionally-classic, feminine way of interacting with others. This profile was specifically delineated in both text and in class by my professor, a licensed psychologist with many years' experience using the MMPI in clinical practice.

The description is quickest explained by referring to the personality of Scarlett O'Hara, the central feminine character in the book & movie, "Gone With The Wind." She is the superficial, self-centered, denying-reality-that-does-not-suit-her young woman who was very popular with all the young men ( the "Belle of the Ball"). It was she who became Rhett Butler's nemesis frustrating him to the point of his finally walking off remarking, "Frankly, my dear, I don't GIVE a damn!"

There are some other less complimentary nicknames given this "4-5-6 V" personality implying sexual promiscuity and compulsiveness because of clinical histories of many of these women. The life histories have often revealed childhood neglect or sexual abuse during childhood; suspiciousness and control issues (Scales 4 & 6) would be naturally elevated in the profile of ANYone subject to such mistreatment. A young female person (child or adolescent) who had to cope with sexual abuse often learns characteristic ways of using her sexuality and desirability in a very feminine, sex-appealing way to exert as much influence and control over her life as possible.

A common characteristic of sexually-abused kids is their acting-out through much earlier and more frequent and indiscriminate sexual behavior than their age-contemporaries. They are set up to perform the very abusive behavior that was foisted on them improperly and illegally by people older or more powerful than them. Those were people who were, themselves, likely victims of childhood sexual abuse. Most of the attractive female teachers who have been in the news recently after having had sex with their male students are likely in the group of girl-victims of childhood sexual abuse. One of the hallmark attitudes of the abuse syndrome is "Don't talk, don't trust, don't tell!" These people are very secretive about this aspect of their lives because this was all learned in shrouds of secrecy and with a sense of the unsavory nature of what was being done to them.

Sadly, the statistics are horrendous! Approx. 1/3 of American girls and 1/7 of American boys will have been sexually abused before they are 18 years old! In the light of these figures, it is no wonder that American men and women have difficulty establishing healthy, lifelong, marital relationships. If you add 1/3 to 1/7, you will get close to the 50% figure which is the modern reported & expected divorce rate in the good ol' US of A! I would suggest a likely direct linkage there. And, since a later marriage partner is often culled from the ranks of the previously divorced, it should be no wonder that subsequent marriages have significantly higher divorce rates than first marriages. And increasingly so for further marriages!

So, why is psychological counseling, premarital counseling, and couple counseling viewed as a "luxury" requiring extravagant expenditure of income? For anyone with health insurance, the excuse of cost "doesn't wash." Such people are likely foolish, or hiding facts/history they don't have courage to reveal, or afraid of problems that they do not realize can all be fixed or resolved satisfactorily. To quote a great man: "BE NOT AFRAID!"

Ex-spouse Post #1!

I owe it to her to start off with an initial post about my ex-!

There are so many facts to share with you that I will post a few and then change the topic for awhile, and then, return later for more consideration of my Tex-Mex-ex-. I was a trustworthy Boy Scout, growing up, and a trustworthy adult Scouter, too! I know now that my ex- was raised in a family, if not a culture, which subverted trustworthiness with its own form of sophistication. Check out the definition of sophistication in a dictionary -- you can then figure why I prefer never to be a "sophisticate!"

My ex's name is Raquel. She was raised in a Texas border town. Margo, her mother, said Raquel was so petite when she was born that the top of her head would fit inside a tea cup. For good reasons learned since, I suspect that fact depicted a symptom of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) which would explain, if not excuse, a lot of ex's behavior years later. The is the first time I have ever revealed this suspicion to anyone, anywhere -- earlier, when I was the first to label her father's alcoholism, I began to incur ex's well-disguised and well-ingrained passive-aggressive vindictiveness.

In protectiveness of her father (and probably herself), she over-used the defense mechanisms of denial and projection, personality characteristics (flaws) in someone with a "Scarlett O'Hara" profile on the renown Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI). It only occurred to me after our divorce that ex- may well have been an FAS baby -- once I realized her mother also had a history of regular drinking going back to working at Margo's father's pub in WW2 England. The post-war period when Margo was pregnant with Raquel was undoubtedly a time of both great personal stress and change as well as great celebration -- both of which almost certainly led to alcohol overuse. And, sign of institutionalized ignorance, it would be 35 years more before the US government would require liquor labels to warn: Alcohol use during pregnancy causes birth defects! [The sins of MOTHERS are also visited upon their children.]

This is a fantasy -- but I'm figuring out how I might/should have done it!

I never would have thought I'd ever feel a need to get severe revenge. Of course, that was for much of my life before I realized that there are some people (many people) who are so self-centered & self-oriented that they do NOT do things with other people in mind, ever. Only themselves. Such people have an unrealistic (sick) view of the world because they treat everything as if it were only there for THEIR existence, for THEIR benefit, and for THEIR purposes.

Such people have this perverted & unrealistic view of life so much that they often cause others trouble which is unwarranted, undeserved, uncalled for. Innocent people have been raised properly with a concern for balancing duty toward self with duty toward others, and they are often unaware of the negative or evil potential of their overly self-centered acquaintances. Quite often, people who expect the world to be bad (maybe it HAS been for them) will MAKE the world a bad place for other people: "What you expect is what you get!" It's the self-fulfilling prophecy -- and we cause good or evil to happen often by our own very expectation of it. We do things unconsciously which bring it about.

This Blog will explore as fantasy only some methods I could have used to achieve revenges to which I finally realized I was entitled. I value my own innocence and try to find ways to achieve my goals honorably and legally, so this Blog is my revenge. I will reveal the truths about the bad & evil people I have encountered unfairly trashing my life. And not over petty things, mind you! For sociopaths and compulsive liars, truth-telling is a great fear! The only thing I think better than revealing the truth of their lies would be to send printed or eMail copies of this revelation to others whom the lying manipulators would NOT want to know the truth.

Now, my quandary is whom to tell you about first. Of course, my lying ex-spouse is high on the list. But I can think of her divorce lawyer (or MY divorce lawyer) or the arrogant divorce judge who didn't care about truth as much as expedience. Or relatives of my ex- who molested her in her childhood, and others like her cousins who seduced her in pubescence. Certainly, the therapist whom she used to convince her to abandon her marital vows & religious contract even though he never met or talked with ME. Perhaps, so-called friends of mine or people who hardly knew me & who did damaging, evil things behind my back. Or, just other people in the Air Force where I worked way too hard for the average amount of success in my career. Of course, my ugly stepmother deserves a dishonorable mention -- and even the evil effect she had over my half-sisters toward cutting off communication with me. I won't mention my dad -- dead 11 years, he's already paying for his shortcomings in some unhappy afterlife, I'm sure. Oh yes! My younger son whom I still have to love but don't trust much anymore. He repaid the 7 good & loving years I raised him completely by myself with his insolent and disloyal trashing of my parental joint custody rights at age 15.5 at the end of those 7 years. He never returned from a scheduled Labor Day visitation to his mother's apartment. If there is not a God, I am going to be very angry when I die and find out that I cannot ever experience Divine Justice. On the other hand, I strongly believe I have already experienced Divine Mercy in this matter and hope for more.